I am proof of that. I moved to the other side of the world, to a country that is very different that my own. There are cultural issues. There is a language barrier. There are society struggles. And when the people of Saudi have difficulties themselves, it's no wonder that one from outside the country would have their own struggles.
Now this is not a post meant to critize Saudi Arabia. I firmly believe that anyone who leaves their comfort zone and moves to another place will find difficulties. Life is more than just the place where you live, or the scenery around you. It's about the people you interact with daily, the society, your co-workers, your friends, but mostly, your family. I could move to a town very much like the one I'm from in PA and still have hard times because I would have to start over, meeting new people, and my family would be miles away.
One of the most infamous struggles a person faces as an adult, regardless if they live near or far from their family, are the infamous in-laws. It's kinda funny and ironic because we all have in-laws and at the same time we are somebody's in-laws. So we are the very thing that we struggle to fit in with and understand. I guess it's just that every family is different. And joining in a family that has already been established with their own ways for so many years is not an easy task. Even if one makes it look easy, it is not. If we are all truthful with ourselves, there are a million things that bug us about our in-laws. The jokes about in-laws exsist for a reason my friends. ;)
In saying that, I do consider myself to be lucky. Even though my situation is way more than just joining in with my hubby's family. I have things to deal with in regards to culture, language, etc, which make things all that more challenging. I realize I am blessed. But that doesn't take away from the fact that it's not always easy for me.
Shortly after I moved here, we started joining in on family Thursdays. Thursdays are the equivalent to U.S. Saturdays. And every Thursday my in-laws get together for a big lunch and family time. I was fine with this in the beginning, but then it began to feel more like an obligation each week. Then with the time I got to a point where I'd become annoyed, irritated, even angry on Thursdays. I thought and thought, why do I get so bugged with Thursdays? And I think I came to some conclusions.
~First of all, I'm a working Mom. I get only two days a week that don't involve waking up at 5am and going to work. Why do I have to give one of those days away, every single week?
~Secondly, in relation to the first thing, time is limited. I'd rather spend my weekend days out with hubby and son, enjoying some family time of our own. Or chilling at home with a movie and popcorn. And when we're with the in-laws we lose that. Because of cultral tradition, when we go to the in-laws, we are seperated; men in one room, women in the other (little guy travels back and forth as he chooses...lol). So I'm hanging out with hubby's family, but not with hubby. Kinda strange if you ask me.
~And third, my in-laws are very different than my family.
I have nothing personal against my in-laws. I can tell you wonderful things about them. Like when hubby's parents insisting on me staying with them after giving birth so that I could be taken care of. Like the time my sis-in-law helped me move to a new house and had a talk with me about depression, how she'd been there, how she understood what I felt (this was without me even saying anything, that's how well she understood me), and how I felt this wave of relief that someone else felt this low before and that it can get better. Like the time hubby's niece tried to teach me Arabic when she was only 10 years old. Like all the times, brothers-in-law helped us out on more than one occassion.
So you see, they are good-hearted people. It's not a personal thing that causes me Thursday stress. It's everything around it. And it makes me a bit sad inside. Spending time with the in-laws just reminds me of the fact that my family is so far away. I often wish I could just stop over at my Mom's for dinner and some games after. I wish I would go shopping with my sisters on the spur of the moment. I wish I could stop by my brother's house to ask him my latest computer question. I wish I could see my aunts and cousins more.
We often get irritated with our own families. But believe me, family is so very important. And if you don't try to keep good ties with yours, you are losing out.
And what I know is that someday, God-willing, I will become little guy's wife's mother-in-law. I hope and pray that I can do my best to respect her and make her feel at home, like one of the family. I do feel that my in-laws have tried their best to do this with me. Despite our differences in culture and language, I do feel I have a place with them. Even if I need my space from time to time and take a Thursday for myself rather than joining in. Sometimes I need a little breather now and then. It's needed. It's how I cope. It's how I can, once refreshed, cheerfully join in the following week. Because....it's not always easy.
"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."
quote found here
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