Why do we rush each other so? Life is short, yes, but it's not a race. Marriage and babies are huge, life-changing decisions. But, I guess we can't blame ourselves for pressuring each other in life. We are all just excited for one another and wish to see each other happy. But nevertheless, these are personal decisions that are up to the couple to decide.
So why am I going on and on about all this? Because, every since I've had my son, the question came....When are you going to have another? Right after his birth my answer was "in ten years!'. After he turned one and I saw evidence that things do get better/easier/more manageable I actually thought a couple of years would be realistic. But here we are with a three year old and I just don't feel ready at this moment for another baby. Why? I've asked myself this a million times and I'm ready to share my answer....FEAR. I know, I know, how could you have fear of this:
image via AnneGeddes.com
Well, let me be honest and tell you that being a parent is not always this cute and this precious. It is truly a wonderful and precious gift. But, I personally went through a lot of things during and after pregnancy that have put me into fear mode. I shall share a few...
My pregnancy...some women love being pregnant, I was not one of those women. For the first three months I felt constant nausea. The strangest of things would make me feel sick; my favorite Glade plug-in scent, fabric softener, my green tea/shea butter lotion, DKNY perfume, Dove shampoo, etc. And to this day, I can no longer enjoy these scents (bummer cuz some were among my favs). My 2nd trimester was good. I even traveled to the US and felt great. But then I entered my 3rd trimester and it was tough. I gained a lot of weight (a whole 50 lbs by the time I delivered, not good). It was summer and I was in Saudi where temps soar to 120 degrees in summer. I felt huge, heavy, HOT, crappy, and gross. I was anxiously awaiting my baby's arrival, wondering if I could make it through.
Early surprise...Little did I know my baby would come a whole 7 weeks early. I had PPROM which stand for preterm, premature rupture of membranes. There's still research being done on this but in my case my Dr believes that I had an undetected infection of some kind which caused this to happen. In my case I was sitting at home when my amniotic fluid started to leak. I was admitted right away; given antibiotics through an IV, steroid shots for the baby's lungs, and was hooked up to a baby heart monitoring machine every 8 hours. A week later, my little guy was born. We were extremely lucky in that he only had to stay one extra day. He had some jaundice and needed some oxygen the first day but was fine. I have to say the whole experience was huge for my hubby and I. Thank God I had a great team of nurses and Drs. If not, I'm not sure I would've been so calm and collected through it all. But this situation always comes to mind anytime I think about another baby. What if it happens again? Will we be as blessed to make it through everything so well? It's a little scary for me even just thinking about it. My Dr informed me that with baby #2 they'll have to keep a closer eye on things. If you're interested in learning more about PPROM click here.
Bringing home baby...Bringing little guy home hit me like a ton of bricks. It was HARD! The lack of sleep alone is enough to make one insane. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and asking myself who was that woman looking back? The best thing that happened in the those first 24 hours was when I held my little, little guy in bed and we both slept for 4 hours straight. It was heaven! After the next few days, little guy and I got to know each other and our ways and were doing well. Until...
Colic...Yes, little guy had colic for his first three months. It was hell. Imagine your baby crying for up to three hours everyday for nearly three months. And there is NOTHING you can do to make it better. Yeah, not pretty. I would hold him and cry right along with him (which in a way kinda helped me get through it). However, I believe this was one of many contributing factors that led to my depression. To learn more about colic click here.
Depression...I never went to see anyone here for it but I believe I had a case of PPD. Perhaps it was a mild case because I never had any thoughts of harming my baby, but I had never felt so low in my life. It was way more then "baby blues". I felt alone and very sad. I don't really like to even go into it all now, but for anyone who has ever been in depression, I believe you and I know it's a real thing. I'm SO thankful that I was able to get through it.
So there it is...my baby fears, all laid out. I feel proud of myself for being able to recognize and talk about them. I think in doing so I will be able to get past it all and be able to plan for another baby some day soon. I do in fact want another baby, and I especially want a sibling for little guy. I hope that some day soon I can be ready to try again. We never know what plans God has in store for us. ;-)
image via Gap.com
Last but not least, I certainly do not want to scare anyone out there. I'm being very open and honest about my experience. I can tell you that even through all the things I experienced, and even though I have to work through my fears, and even though having a baby is THE most life changing experience, it IS worth it. My advice is to educate yourself and your spouse on all things baby, be prepared for the unexpected, and have a strong support system of family and friends around to help you and your new one.
Until next time, good night. :-)
LOL, i am so with you on this when are you going to ...... my sis and i just had a talk about bad pregnancy experience. she was sick (can't get out of bed type) until 6 mo for both of hers. i hope i won't be like that.... : )
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